By: Marriya Schwarz
Many people know of the party game called “Never Have I Ever,” which is one of the only mainstream outlets where “squares” like me thrive. Everyone goes around and says something that they’ve never done. If someone in the group has done it, they take a drink of whatever is sloshing around in their red solo cup. Usually, it’s a drink of the alcoholic variety. Beads of sweat drip down people’s foreheads as they cling to their sobriety and pray that they’ll end with some liquid remaining in their cup -- which is the only true way to win the game. I tend to take sips of water, lemonade, or soda. I have a “never have I ever” that gets people every time: Never have I ever been drunk.
I’m twenty-one years old - prime drinking age - and I’ve never been drunk. My liver is as clean as a new store-bought whistle still in its plastic covering; I’ve never so much as participated in communion. I’m not special. I spray my Flonase one nostril at a time, like everyone else. I’m not the only one in college who doesn’t drink. I have a bunch of friends who are also non-drinkers. Instead of drinking, we have movie nights or go to AMP events. Still, despite my personal experiences, binge drinking remains a huge problem on college campuses, William & Mary included.
As defined by the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, binge drinking is “a pattern of drinking that brings blood alcohol concentration (BAC) levels to 0.08 g/dL,” which usually occurs after four to five drinks in 2 hours. As discussed by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the consequences of binge drinking are severe. Binge drinking can cause chronic diseases, various cancers, memory and learning problems, and dependence on alcohol.
I had the pleasure of meeting with Alex Hilert in the scenic but hidden School of Education building. Hilert is a doctoral student working on his Ph.D in Counselor Education & Supervision at the College of William & Mary, who is primarily interested in psychology and substance abuse. During his time at the college, he served as the doctoral student co-director of the New Leaf Clinic on campus. The New Leaf Clinic is a harm-reduction-based clinic that deals with alcohol and substance abuse among students. Typically, these students are either referred by a Residential Assistant or the Dean of Students after a drug or alcohol violation. One of the major ideas of the clinic is that it is not focused on telling students to just not drink. Hilert stated that the “abstinence approach doesn’t really work” because that is just not a realistic expectation. College students drink; it’s just what happens. Instead, the clinic focuses on ideas like being aware of blood alcohol content levels, avoiding drinking games, and setting limitations. It is very individualistic. The clinic is willing to work with whatever works best with a particular student.
In a colorful office filled with Marvel action figures and other iconic characters, I had the honor of talking to Professor Daniel Guttierez. Gutierrez is a licensed professional counselor and an assistant professor in the Counselor Education program, focusing on training students for licensure in addiction cases in Virginia. He is also the faculty director of the New Leaf Clinic. He stated that although people volunteer for sessions at New Leaf, most people do not because they do not “want to say that they have a drug and alcohol problem.” There is this idea that they are the only ones who binge drink and do not want to be an outcast.
In contrast, although William & Mary is not known for being a “party school,” Hilert explained that the school actually has more cases of binge drinking than the national average. Only around 20 percent of students are not drinking alcohol, while a quarter of students are not drinking while partying.
This binge drinking problem can arise just from the culture of college campuses. As Guttierez described, it’s only natural that if someone saw another person not drinking at a party, they would say something like, “Why are you not drinking? Get this man a beer!” For some reason, that seems like a more normal response than the non-drinking person to turn around and say, “Why are you drinking? Don’t you know what that’s going to do to your body?” It just isn’t talked about.
There are two paths to high-intensity drinking. One is a form of ‘escape drinking,’ which is when a person is super stressed out; they have been working, studying, etc., and they decide they need this “kiss of death,” as Guttierez defines it. The other path is the ‘social-aspect’ path. In the modern era of cell phones and electronics, developing social skills is less of an important step. Therefore, binge drinking can be used by those who have a hard time making friends. Guttierez stated that if people are on any of those two paths, they “need to step off now” since all it takes is one night to get off track. Moderate drinking is safe, but people need to take their time with their alcohol. For the ‘escape drinking’ path, Guttierez suggested that there can still be rewards for hard work; in some cases, chocolate cake is a better alternative.
There are also long-term effects of this kind of drinking. As Professor Guttierez stated, long-term issues happen at the college age and can turn into a chronic problem. It is a problem that needs to be taken seriously; after all, “you wouldn’t play around with a little bit of arsenic.” Binge drinking is an even scarier problem than other forms of drinking to Guttierez since it is like “living with an intermittent time bomb.” A binge drinker never knows how bad it’s going to be or when the problem will arise. People dealing with binge drinking have less motivation to get help. With people struggling with alcoholism every day that they do not drink, they can see it as a win. With binge drinking, they are used to long periods of not drinking. Therefore, sobriety feels less of a life change.
In my personal opinion, it can still be hard to be a non-drinker around people who drink. When I’m sober around a bunch of college students, my first reaction is to feel left out. I feel like there’s just something different about me.
Usually, when I’m among close friends, I try to be upfront about not drinking. My list of reasons why I don’t drink comes out almost robotically now from how many times I’ve said it. I’m lucky that people have been pretty accepting of me. As Alex Hilert described, “Honesty is the best policy.” He said that he advises clients to be ready to explain being a non-drinker but know when to walk away. He said it’s helpful to “have some comebacks” in case someone gives you any problems about your decision not to drink.
But if you’ve recently decided not to drink, or you’re worried about feeling left out, I find it helpful to bring something else to drink at parties. A dear friend of mine always brings a bottle of lemonade with her to sorority mixers so that she can sip on something too. As long as you have something in your hands, people can’t tell whether it’s alcohol or something much tastier. Hilert agrees with this, stating that it can feel awkward at a party; it’s helpful to hold a red solo cup, even if it’s just filled with water.
Even though I’ve been a non-drinker my entire life, I can still feel pressure to conform. If I’m around people I don’t know well and people are asking a bunch of questions, I’m not above rattling off excuses. They don’t have to be anything crazy; I’ve never had to fake a pregnancy or anything. I’ll just say something vague, like “I’m going easy tonight” or “I have to wake up early tomorrow morning.” It gets all the awkwardness out of the way.
I also try to find other people who don’t drink. Then, you won’t feel like you’re the only sober person in the whole world. Many people drink alcohol to have fun and free themselves of inhibitions, but as Hilert stated, if you’re with your friends, then you are “going to have fun, no matter what.” And if you have friends, then there’s someone to help hold the broken bathroom door when you need to freshen up after a drunk guy spills an entire cup of beer on your shoes without noticing. It’s too specific of a situation to be hypothetical.
I have a lot of good friends who do drink. Just because I don’t drink and they do doesn’t mean that I never see them on the weekends. There’s always an opportunity to try to find some kind of common ground. Have a friend who likes doing drunk crafts? Join them and just be sober! It will still be a lot of fun! Plus, it’s probably a lot safer to have a sober person around if the craft includes working with scissors or a hot glue gun. There are plenty of drunk activities that you can still participate in when you don’t drink. For example, drunk food is incredible when you’re sober. Drunk people order the best food, and since you weren’t indulging in vodka and beer all night, that leaves a whole empty stomach for drunk food. Ever had cheese fries? They’re great! There are other things, besides alcohol, that you can enjoy at a party.
Friends are also a great way to hold you accountable. For example, if you let them know ahead of time that you’re not really planning to drink tonight, they can provide “social support,” as Alex Hilert discussed. Hilert also discussed how friends can give you a role in the group, even if you’re not drinking. You can say that you’re going to be the drunk driver or the babysitter tonight. That way, you still have a role and can feel like you have a specific purpose in the group, but you also feel like you have a reason why you’re not drinking. Hilert also makes the point that this gives you another excuse for when people ask why you aren’t drinking.
Ultimately, to free yourself of inhibitions and just live in the moment, you have to embrace your choice to be sober. This is, of course, easier for me because I’ve never really had a history of substance abuse. But I have just really found it beneficial to own my sobriety. You don’t have to pretend that you’re drunk to fit in. And you don’t have to stay home either. From not drinking, you get this untapped power that is called upon at a moment’s notice: your memory. The day after, you can ask all your friends why there’s a random charge on their Venmo or why there are 7 outgoing calls to Dominos on their phones. The day after a party, you become super popular because everyone wants to find out what happened. It’s like a cliffhanger that only you know the answer to.
It may seem like an absolute drag to be a non-drinker, but I swear we always rise up, walking in a perfectly straight line and saying, forwards and backward, the alphabet (kind of). Sometimes, it can be difficult to feel out of place in such a busy and hectic environment, but I don’t regret my decision not to drink. It’s a part of me and a part of my values. I wouldn’t give that up just to be a part of the crowd. I think Professor Guttierez says it best: “All of us should be louder about the fact: I don’t need to be drinking to have fun.”
*Note: Originally published in Dog Street Journal's May 2019 issue.
*Note: The article was republished due to website maintenance and grammatical issues. The original publication date is May 1st, 2019.
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